Mom & Dad, Are you in charge?
What are you in charge of these days? You are in charge of your home, the children and the peace in your life. Yes this is much easier said than done.
First it is so easy to react. What parent doesn’t react in the home? Typically, children are not great listeners for chores or for what they don’t want to do or hear. Great news you are not alone and haven’t been for centuries.
How are you in charge when no one listens and you are reacting and not responding?
First, what is reacting? Reacting is a negative reaction to an event or comment. You may yell, scream, jump and down, punch a wall, go drinking, go shopping etc. This is a tough concept to understand and no one; yes no one could make you react. This is a choice.
No one could physically make you react, make you yell, make you punch a wall. It’s you doing it.
Yes we could have triggers that activate our reactions buttons within us. Yes, the family knows our trigger points and what sets us off to react. Children are smart they do this as a diversion or to redirect your focus on to something else and not what is happening or to be addressed in the moment.
The family now in a reacting pattern, nothing seems to work and you are reacting to everything. LISAonthego has been here and the more she reacted the more of the same stories and dramas existed.
She had enough and finally learned to respond. Responding is being in a calm space, talking, expressing clearly and detailed, being non-emotional and talking from your heart.
First she took the people affecting her life that was triggering her and would visualize a moment that she remembers them in a good moment. A moment she would smile at the memory that made her heart sing. Then she keep the memory and visualize them in that moment and made them smaller in her mind and smaller, once small enough she brought them to her heart and surrounded them with love and consciously visualized them in her heart and surrounding them in love. No other thoughts, no reactions, the goal just love them, let the negative energies surrender and see them for there pure essence of who they are.
Our ego mind chatters keep talking and criticizing the person. The ego mind keeps saying but, but; what about? Are you kidding me? Seriously? You know you are so right; you are the parent and know you are right about everything occurring that you are now reacting and continually having emotions showing you that you are so right. Does this bring peace to you and your family, balance or grounding?
Trust LISAonthego she was so right, here is the proof, everyone could see, however, she was being reactive. Did you ever notice when someone is so right they are reacting by: being angry, yelling, hands waving, commanding, demanding etc. So, yes LISAonthego was so right and yet reacting. (Tough lesson to recognize so she could change, so much easier to say than to follow through with the action of responding. This has made a huge difference in her life too.)
So again, just love them and keep-loving them from within your heart.
Within a few days just loving them, LISAonthego found her peace and then chose to respond.
Hard to believe this actually worked and had a domino effect on the children. This alone, loving from within changed in LISAonthego’s family and life.
LISAonthego found some peace; this action was enough for the people she was loving to change some too. Wow this is incredible. In truth its not about them its about you. Being so right, you are not in your peace being reactive you aren’t in your peace.
In fact you have a choice not to react and to respond. By responding it gives you peace and knowing you have choices. When moms and dads are reactive and learn to respond then they could have peace in the home, structures, routines and stay consistent, things tend to run more smoothly.
When the family is triggering you and you start to be reactive, count to ten, get out of your ego talking chatter mind, walk away and patiently plan your next move. Remove yourself till you could respond. Maybe just sit down for a time out and whatever is taking place in the room in the moment, is taking place, as long as no one is being hurt or in danger, take a deep breath and go within and just sit down. LOL this is an action your family will look at you, you just changed the energy and even enough that could calm things. In a moment, or two or several you could decide how to handle what is going on by responding.
Responding for a parent could be in a soft and yet commanding voice and being centered in their plans. If the behavior is a pattern then set goals, if you do this, then this will happen and if you do this then this will happen. You are responding and everyone knows the rules. Here is an example: lets take a teen. They refuse to do their chores and being defiant. LISAonthego would say your choice, however know the next time you want something and LISAonthego’s teens always would want a ride somewhere. She would say you are refusing to do your chores one of your next rides (LISAonthego’s choice on which ride) is not going to be available. LISAonthego always would give rides to appointments and team sports. This about you and your child, don’t penalize others to proved a point. However when they would want a ride to the stores, town, mall, friends etc. this is where she held the grounds and refused that next ride. It worked and everyone knew the rules, they were clear, specific and detailed.
Mom and dad, are you in charge! Yes! Good luck and have a great day. LISAonthego
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