Family for this blog means Parents, Siblings, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins etc.
Families are our best teacher for the good, bad and the ugly. They teach us about us what we are willing to put up with, change and or walk away.
Walking away doesn’t resolve issues, it prolongs them.
Even if 30 years later you re-connect after the excitement and when the relationship settles down, amazing how the issues arise again. Maybe not the same situations but the same issues. Remember It’s not done to us but for us. This time we get to choose how to do it differently or our perspectives have changed.
When a person walks away or is disowned from a family due to a choice or someone else’s choice and they dominate in the family hierarchy the rest of the family will follow suit.
Then what? Again, it could be 30 years later and you could reconnect. However, at this point your life has changed, you may have children, spouse, illness (hereditary). These are our connections. The difference the good you remember that helped you to become who you are, are your memories. The younger generation doesn’t understand. They don’t have the memories.
In truth, the family has been severed permanently. You may reconnect with some family members from being young. The newcomers don’t know the truth they only hear the drama and stories. How sad a family of newer generations is severed and not to know cousins, aunts, uncles, that impact who we are.
Families do have similar habits, medical issues or attitudes that you learn or are born with and this doesn’t change.
Again, this is our connections to our families. Sure, we choose our friend, some do become our families. However, families are internal and friends are external. The dynamics are different.
Being in the family dynamics could solidify who you are and where your innuendos come from. From humor, food combinations, illness etc.
Understand that walking away from a family is a choice or being disowned not a choice and a circumstance. In the situation of being disowned love you, forgive you if you did something wrong, learn and move forwards. You get to decide how to handle what is best for you.
However, they’re other avenues to cope with families in what you see as an issue or circumstance. You could; see them less, talk to them less, shorten visits.
LISAonthego says walking away or being disowned doesn’t work and causes many hurt feelings that last a lifetime.
In addition to severing family relationships not only yours but the younger generation and newcomers into the family from a marriage or birth. It’s a permanent decision one makes with irreparable repairs.
Families have the good and the bad, that’s the yin-yang of life. It is what it is.
As we grow and get older so does our attitudes, viewpoints and emotions. When your buttons are pushed by family maybe it’s something you could look at from their perspective. See if they’re being loving to help you learn or just being self-motivated and all about them. If they’re controlling and bullying then maybe it’s about them that others aren’t hearing or seeing. Or maybe it’s to solidify who you are and what you want in your life to be a better you.
Again, severing a family relationship that has the domino effect into the whole family (Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Siblings, Grandparents etc.) obliging in disowning a person is a permanent cut into the family dynamics and one that does not change. Think twice before walking or disowning someone. In addition, when one is disowned don’t allow the family to follow suit. We all change and grow up and eventually our perspectives do too. Don’t a jeopardize a family dynamics that plays an important role in our society.
In conclusion, LISAonthego doesn't know when a family member walks away or disowned, has no contact for over 20 years and reconnects if the family dynamics could have a relationship again. She does know walking away or being disowned for years that families are severed. This is also a no-win conclusion and effects many others in the family.
Families are the best teacher for us to learn how to be you and you have choices to do it differently.
Have a great day. Love, Laughter & Peace, LISAonthego