FAMILY VS FRIENDS

Family vs friends. LISAonthego says both play an important role in our lives.

LISAonthego's family has given connections and a sense of belonging. It’s part of who she is. Her family has taught her traditions, foods she eats, habits, manners, morals, values, ethics, and interaction for relationships etc. From birth through adulthood.

When we become adult’s family still has those recollections of the good, bad and ugly on our accomplishments and mistakes.

As adults, we tend to fall back into the roles of our childhood with family members.

This could keep us stuck in our lives and not from moving forwards. We do change and families don’t always see this. This could take time and eventually does change. However, they do know who we are and where we come from and could give sound advice for us in our best interest.

Families tend to have no boundaries especially our parents and don’t hold back on what they think. Parents give advice with the best intentions for us. Not always what we want to hear and know it comes from our parent’s heart with love. Yes, they know it could makes us angry or feel inadequate and yet know it’s best for us to see another perspective.

Dysfunctional families with poor relationships still have us feel connected and yet know they do not have our best interest when they’re self-absorbed. In this is situation its difficult and you need to learn to trust and love you, go within and listen for your path. Be in your peace for the best choice for you.

Friends our own friends accept us for who we are. 

This is important for us to have our own friends, love us for us and help us to move forward in life. Not knowing our family dynamics or walked our paths, our friends base their advice on who we are today. They listen to past, present and future drama and stories. Friends give feedback on what we say and their interpretations.

Our best friends could be considered family and are around our lives but regardless there is always that safe boundary distance that is silent. Best friends have boundaries and know when they could express their views and when to back off. Sometimes hesitate or not speak the truth because they know you and your reactions and tread lightly.

Our friends could talk throughout their messages for us and we get to choose to listen or not.

Feedback it’s important for us and see how others see us so we present who we want to be.

Both Family and Friends are Vital in our Lives 

Family vs Friends

One is not better than another. They both give different perspectives and ones we have not thought of. They give us a connection to our world that we do belong and not alone. Also, understand us and some of our circumstances for good sound advice.

In truth the only friend, our true friend who knows us inside, out and wants to learn about us in our journey is us. We are our own best friend, love you for you, change you for you, be you for you. You matter, regardless of other perspectives, interpretations, judgments or opinions they’re our sounding boards to be the best you.

Yes, this is easier said than done it takes to practice it's why family and friends are vital in our lives. They’re our sounding board to help us to get where we want to go and be who we want to be.

Have a great day. Love, Laughter & Peace, LISAonthego

Getting Started

Family Exclusion

Family for this blog means Parents, Siblings, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins etc.

Families are our best teacher for the good, bad and the ugly. They teach us about us what we are willing to put up with, change and or walk away.

Walking away doesn’t resolve issues, it prolongs them.

Even if 30 years later you re-connect after the excitement and when the relationship settles down, amazing how the issues arise again. Maybe not the same situations but the same issues. Remember It’s not done to us but for us. This time we get to choose how to do it differently or our perspectives have changed.

When a person walks away or is disowned from a family due to a choice or someone else’s choice and they dominate in the family hierarchy the rest of the family will follow suit.

Then what? Again, it could be 30 years later and you could reconnect. However, at this point your life has changed, you may have children, spouse, illness (hereditary). These are our connections. The difference the good you remember that helped you to become who you are, are your memories. The younger generation doesn’t understand. They don’t have the memories.

In truth, the family has been severed permanently. You may reconnect with some family members from being young. The newcomers don’t know the truth they only hear the drama and stories. How sad a family of newer generations is severed and not to know cousins, aunts, uncles, that impact who we are.

Family

Families do have similar habits, medical issues or attitudes that you learn or are born with and this doesn’t change.

Again, this is our connections to our families. Sure, we choose our friend, some do become our families. However, families are internal and friends are external. The dynamics are different.

Being in the family dynamics could solidify who you are and where your innuendos come from. From humor, food combinations, illness etc.

Understand that walking away from a family is a choice or being disowned not a choice and a circumstance. In the situation of being disowned love you, forgive you if you did something wrong, learn and move forwards. You get to decide how to handle what is best for you.

However, they’re other avenues to cope with families in what you see as an issue or circumstance. You could; see them less, talk to them less, shorten visits.

LISAonthego says walking away or being disowned doesn’t work and causes many hurt feelings that last a lifetime.

In addition to severing family relationships not only yours but the younger generation and newcomers into the family from a marriage or birth. It’s a permanent decision one makes with irreparable repairs.

Families have the good and the bad, that’s the yin-yang of life. It is what it is.

As we grow and get older so does our attitudes, viewpoints and emotions. When your buttons are pushed by family maybe it’s something you could look at from their perspective. See if they’re being loving to help you learn or just being self-motivated and all about them. If they’re controlling and bullying then maybe it’s about them that others aren’t hearing or seeing. Or maybe it’s to solidify who you are and what you want in your life to be a better you.

Again, severing a family relationship that has the domino effect into the whole family (Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Siblings, Grandparents etc.) obliging in disowning a person is a permanent cut into the family dynamics and one that does not change. Think twice before walking or disowning someone. In addition, when one is disowned don’t allow the family to follow suit. We all change and grow up and eventually our perspectives do too. Don’t a jeopardize a family dynamics that plays an important role in our society.

In conclusion, LISAonthego doesn't know when a family member walks away or disowned, has no contact for over 20 years and reconnects if the family dynamics could have a relationship again. She does know walking away or being disowned for years that families are severed. This is also a no-win conclusion and effects many others in the family.

Families are the best teacher for us to learn how to be you and you have choices to do it differently.

Have a great day. Love, Laughter & Peace, LISAonthego

Fall Back

Fall Back. It’s coming into the Fall season and a time of reflection is upon us. The sun goes down much earlier, the crisp cooler air in the mornings and that nesting period slowly creeps upon us.

It’s the time we start focusing on who and what we are. Where we have been, what has worked or not.

Does reflecting on the past year have benefits?

LISAonthego says yes. Others feel the past is in the past and let it go. Not for LISAonthego. She finds many benefits on reflecting on the current year. She asks herself:

• How are the ambitions going she set at the New Year?  
•       (https://spiritualfitnessonthego.com/new-year-ambitions/)
• What has been working, challenges and blocks?
• What could be done differently?
• Is she at peace?
• What’s new and what has changed?
• Where does she see herself by the year end?

This reflection is in her relationships, career, who she is and what she is.

The past challenges are great using tools for her. She appreciates and is grateful for the wonderful teachers in her life the good, the bad and the ugly. LISAonthego is also choosing no drama, unfair criticism or being controlled/bullied by others.

What does she do when drama arises?

By reflecting on the year and past experiences she is now going within herself and listening. When the situation or event occurs how could she have done it differently? She reviews the drama, listens and looks to have a positive result.

Here is an example that is impacting her life. When a drama situation or event occurs, she now walks away, finds her peace and this could be several days, weeks etc. for her to find the best solution for her. In addition, she has learned when offended, just because she forgives you for everything you didn’t do or say, she doesn’t need or have to interact the same as before. This past year LISAonthego has closed relationship doors, walked away and cooled the relationships or accepted the occurrence and moved forwards.

There is no right or wrong answer. Yes, there is; this is about her and what she wants in your life. Someone else’s advice, opinions or observations is just that and nothing else. It’s about LISAonthego and what works for her.

Reflecting on What and Who is LISAonthego?

Who is LISAonthego she’s loving, in love with her, her own best friend, smart, beautiful, fun, great smile, listener, supportive, out of the box thinker, caring, she speaks from her heart, truthful etc.

What is LISAonthego? This is new for her. What are you? Is your expression to the world visually: clothes, makeup, jewelry, home, job, career etc. She is realizing this is just as important as who you are.

When LISAonthego feels good about what she is this has her feeling good about herself. She feels enlightened, giggly, and that warm fuzzy feeling when you’re at your best.

LISAonthego is bringing more of this to her life because who you are and what you are is the whole you. Bring the best you to your day.

Fall back is time for LISAonthego to reflect the past year and her ambitions and choose her path. How about you?

Have a great day! Love, Laughter & Peace, LISAonthego

Getting Started

Transition - Not Well to Well 

Transition - Not Well to Well

LISAonthego spent a lot of her life not feeling well due to learning who she is and what she is; Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and side effects of medicines. She would have headaches (migraines), cramps, achiness, mood swings, fatigue, side effects of medicines, etc. These weren’t daily however enough that it disrupted life.

For LISAonthego there isn’t a measure of one’s discomfort or pain. You’re never a little pregnant this is the same concept. Pain and discomfort are pain and discomfort whether internally or externally.

Pain and discomfort are pain and discomfort whether internally or externally.

LISAonthego is learning not to allow other interpretations of what it is for her. Why so stubborn and absolute? For years, LISAonthego would have the internal and external discomfort and pain and told by professionals this isn’t true. One of the last times was a reaction to medicine, in addition to the obvious and being in the emergency room. The doctor said this is all in your head and you need professional help. LISAonthego thinks what are you serious? It’s obvious she was having physical symptoms in addition to hives. Feeling demeaned, helpless and authorities know more than how she was feeling and felt humiliated.

Once being home, she realized she had internal hives. These can’t be measured or seen and knows what she has experienced and told herself never again will she not trust herself.

After this experience and going to another specialist with the some of the same results and life living her she went to the Mayo Clinic. She is diagnosed with a liver enzyme gene not metabolizing medicines. Yes, not metabolizing medicines causes reactions, yes, she knows how awful she felt in the past. Yes, LISAonthego believes in herself.

LISAonthego went off all medicines and chose to have a hysterectomy. 

Transition - Not Well to Well 

Imagine a few weeks later most her symptoms stopped, just stopped. Wow, breathe, wait, she is okay, hold on, breathe, wow she is okay. Now What?

When ill and not feeling well our thoughts the ego chatter mind keeps us busy telling ourselves stories or judging and interpreting our lives. The ego mind is never stopping. You don’t feel well, and it appears to be difficult to change, so we play along with our thoughts, we rationalize our life and avoid any more conflicts because being ill is hard enough.

Now LISAonthego is feeling better, and it takes a few weeks, and she looks around and says, Oh My! Wow, this is not good and says to herself LISAonthego is actually unhappy and on so many levels.

She is truly blessed, grateful and appreciative to feeling well. What LISAonthego didn’t realize was now the real work began and she is on the journey.

Who is LISAonthego? And she started the hard, steep path happily, in love and fun discovering who she is? Where does she start? What choices and decisions do she want to make? The list goes on.

LISAonthego makes this sound fun and easy. This is so far from the truth and learning about you is work.

Being ill could be tiresome and learning about you could be energizing. Not one easier than another, just different.

When you are not well and lose yourself for many years and you “wake up”, what do you do? Where do you go? This is how Spiritualfitnessonthego.com came to be the tools and activities on LISAonthego’s path to learning about her. The LISAonthego Blogs were accidentally a real gift for her to process her learning path, who she is, what she is and you too could learn more you.

LISAonthego didn’t know herself; she was always concerned about everyone else, what they needed, wanted, thought and judged.

Now it’s just LISAonthego, how do you learn about you? Focus on you? LISAonthego Blogs take you on her path, Spiritualfitnessonthego.com has the tools and activities. LISA = living in spiritual awareness.

Have a great day. Love, Laughter & Peace, LISAonthego

The Candle is Lit, Peace 

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